I like to think that I have instilled great values within my kids. They both are very kind souls with huge helping hearts. But in all other aspects, my daughter Leslie and I could not be more opposite! When we go away for her dance competitions, I'm lucky if I packed a toothbrush...where she has an itemized checklist of everything she needs to bring. When we get to the hotel, first thing I want to do is relax on the bed, while she hangs up all of her clothes and costumes and lays out all of her makeup.
On a whim, I decided we needed some time away and planned a last minute trip to Sea World (I had tickets for us...a perk of being a California teacher). I secured a nice hotel for a decent price and we were ready to roll! When I pulled up the Sea World tickets, I realized that they needed to be "activated" two weeks prior...change in plans. So I simply Googled "Fun things to do in San Diego" and began making a list of alternative adventures. To me, this was exciting...no plan! To Leslie, this was nerve racking. She didn't want to go. I said "We are going...we have no plan...we are just going to see what happens and have fun." She wasn't buying it. But this was good for her. She needs to be OK with plans changing, the unknowns and being comfortable with the uncomfortable.
Anyone that knows me, knows that one of my biggest flaws is I am severely directionally challenged. I get lost, even with my GPS. This trip was no different. The most heard phrase on our adventure was "Route Recalculation". We heard it so frequently, that it just became comical (at one point, she was tallying how many times we heard it). This was good for Leslie. She was learning that things don't always go as planned, but there is always another way. She was witnessing us course correct, in real time. AND she realized that we were OK.
We decided to go to a recommended restaurant and after a few "Route Recalculations" we made it. But when we got there, the line was out the door and around the building. We needed to make a decision. We decided to forgo that restaurant and find another. The hole in the wall restaurant we stumbled in to turned out to be fantastic. This showed Leslie that when something doesn't quite go as planned, there is always another option, and often that option turns out better than the planned.
Our next stop was the mall (not my favorite). This was really comical. We were looking for the Vans store. We found it on the directory and I followed Leslie's lead as she is the one with the direction skills. Well what we found was, we just kept going in circles. My first inclination was to just go ask someone, or leave. Leslie's response was "No, we can figure this out on our own, let's go back to the map." It was interesting to see her tenacity and grit. Where I was ready to give up and give in, she wanted to continue and figure it out for herself. I learned from her on this one. But, as we were on this mall adventure she turned and said to me "See, mom, there is more than one path to get where we are going." THAT was worth her dragging me to the mall.
There were many more such mistakes, route recalculations and a lot of laughing. But in that trip, I believe we both learned and grew.
Here are the lessons learned:
1) Things don't usually go as planned. We need to be agile and learn to pivot and continue.
2) Persevere, don't give up...stay the course, even if the course is corrected.
3) There is more than one path, find yours.
4) Laugh at yourself...you just have to.
5) Always look for the learning.
These are great lessons that we need to be teaching and modeling for our students. It is important for them to be able to make quick decisions, redirect, go back to the drawing board, try, fail, learn and grow. They are growing up in an ever changing world and they need to be able to adapt to it. They must be prepared for the unprepared...the plot twist...the plan B.
In my own life...I have goals, and a path to get there. It has not been a straight path. There have been many "route recalculations". Just when something seems like it is going south, another opportunity opens up. And vice versa, just as things seem to be lining up, plans change. We just need to be open to see all of those different routes. We need to be flexible and willing to take risks, because the gains far out weigh the losses. In the long run, it doesn't matter which path we take on our journey...whatever path we take is the one that is meant for us.
"We are all leaders in our own right"- There they are...my words. I've said them, I've written them, but do I believe them? Often times, I write to convince myself of such things. This is one such time. Are we all leaders? Am I a leader? Can one be a leader, without an official leadership title?
As I ponder this, I reflect on what I believe the anatomy of a leader is. I think about all of my friends that I consider great leaders. I think of the many traits and actions, that I admire in them. It is who I strive to be, every day. I believe a leader is someone who rallies the troops, someone who includes others on the journey, someone who encourages and celebrates and walks along side of their people.
I'm a visual learner...so I needed to make a graphic to help me hone in on this.
What is the anatomy of a leader?
Innovator's Brain: This is someone who is always thinking: "How can we make this better?" not just "different" for "different's" sake...but create change for the better. This is an outside of the box thinker, someone whose mind can stretch and see possibilities. Someone who is not afraid to risk themselves and encourage risk in others.
Learner's Mind: I love when people call themselves "Lead Learner" rather than "Administrator". That shows that they know the importance of continued learning and growing oneself. Things change so quickly, if we are not in constant learning mode, we will be left behind. A learner's mind also includes sharing that learning with others.
Hearing Ears: Another thing I say often is "We need to not only listen to others, but we need to HEAR them." I believe there is a difference. We need to make sure we hear, we understand and we do. We need to make sure to do something with what we have heard. This is how we build trust within others.
Observer's Eyes: Our eyes are always taking in information. There are things that we see overtly, but we also need to observe what is happening covertly. We can only do this if we are WITH, really with, those on our team, or those that we support. We need to be watching and learning. We need to know context in which our team is working. We need to also see the strengths and areas of growth in others and use that information to help all move forward.
Empowering Mouth: Words matter...a lot! We need to be conscious of not only the words we speak, but the way in which we speak them. As a leader, I believe we should be building others up, growing them, empowering them. This doesn't mean there shouldn't be constructive feedback, this means just the opposite. In order to empower others, they need to have feedback, authentic feedback, actionable feedback. They then need the supports, plan and/or tools to help them grow.
Empathetic Heart: In order to lead others, one needs to be able to see things from other people's perspectives. These can't be "guesses", but based on knowledge gained from knowing our people. Before acting, it is important to think through how it will effect all parts of the team. If we don't know, it is important to ask, to have conversations...discussions.
Working Hands: The best leaders I know roll up their sleeves and jump in the trenches with their team. They are on the floor with the students, they are in the rooms teaching, they are taking risks along side of their staff. They literally do the heavy lift, if needed. They look at their school staff as a team, no one job is more important than the others. They pitch in when needed, without a second thought...they lead from the middle.
Walking Feet: I believe in order to be an effective leader, one needs to BE with those they lead. This means they are in the classrooms...really in them. Not doing a drive by, check in. They spend time with the students and the teachers. They know the students and the students know them. They are a normal fixture in the classrooms, on the playground, in the halls and the parking lot.
My friend Tony Sinanis moved up to the Central Office this past year as an Assistant Superintendent. He made it a point to schedule meetings later in the day, so he could spend his mornings in classrooms. It was fun to watch him on his daily journeys via Twitter. What was more amazing to see was at the end of the year, how many students' lives he had impacted. They know him, they love him and they are going to miss him as he moves on to a new district as Superintendent. He works hard to redefine his role...that is the kind of leader I wish to be.
So...can someone be a leader without the "title"? Absolutely! I DO believe we are all leaders in our own right. I know I try to emulate all of the above, every day. What does YOUR anatomy of a leader look like?
I talk a lot about leading with an empathetic heart AND looking at the circle of viewpoints in a situation. I thought I had that down. I, apparently, was wrong. There have been a few recent incidents in which my actions or words were misinterpreted and there were consequences. I always, always have the best of intentions in everything I do. I try to think things through before I do them or say them. I try to look at how these things will effect others involved. I only have the truest of intentions...I know this. So when things I have done, actually turn out to cause something negative to someone else...it kills me. It literally breaks my heart. My heart breaks when something that I have done, is taken in as the exact opposite of my intention.
It is even harder, when I can't make amends. In some cases, I am still unsure if I am in the wrong, but does that matter? If it is received, perceived that way, I can only try to explain. Sometimes the person doesn't want to hear it. Or they hear it and they don't want to listen. Sometimes there is not an opportunity to discuss...things just are...they just need to be. So what do you do? You take responsibility. You own up to the fact that you didn't think things through completely. You learn, you grow and you change your behavior.
My purpose, I have written before, is to support others. THAT IS IT. It is not something I just say, it something that I whole heartedly believe and the code by which I live. But what happens sometimes is something that I believe is helpful, another might see as over-stepping. Something that I might believe is for the good of many, may be looked at as outside-stepping. Sharing something that I believe is a positive, may just be misconstrued as something different. In these instances, when these perceptions are brought to my attention, I wilt. I feel terrible that I have caused uneasiness in others.
But I have learned that life and people are unpredictable. We can not control other people's actions, we can not control other people's emotions, and we can not control other people's thoughts. There are so many layers that go into each of those, that makes them so unpredictable. So when I try to see things from the view points of others...I can only guess. My guess can only have roots in MY experiences, MY emotions and MY thoughts. So in essence, I guess there is no "circle of viewpoints" in which to consider. We are a complicated species.
This realization has thrown me for a loop. It has caused me to want to recoil, to be quiet and to be small. It has made me rethink everything I have thought. I have no way of knowing how something I say or do will affect someone else. So does intent really matter? I always thought it did. Be intentional...but what does that even mean?
So all I can do...is what I always do. Think...deeply. Reflect...deeply. And find the learning...find the growth.
All I can say to you (and in this, I am writing to myself)...just stay true to you...keep that focus on the good...continue on the positive path. There may be bumps and unexpected obstacles...but you can handle them and just keep on going. Be cognizant...extremely cognizant of those around you. Our actions and words matter.
I have talked before about the sad truth that I do not remember much of my schooling. It is one of the reasons I am so passionate about making school relevant and "sticky" for kids. There is ONE memory that does pop into my mind often. I don't know the grade, I don't know the subject, I can't remember the teacher...but I remember the activity. We were tasked to write a letter to our future self, on the premise that it would be mailed back to us at a later date (I want to say upon high school graduation). Well...the letter never came. It is quite disappointing, because I would have loved to see where I was in relationship to where I am.
Earlier this week, something sparked me to look back at one of my very first blog posts. I don't go back and read my own writings, often...but I sure am glad I did! Before I even began reading, my mind was taken right back to the time and space where I wrote it. I knew exactly where both my head and my heart were at in that moment. I remember that I was at a cross-roads. The purpose of writing that blog, was solely for me. I needed to decide if my current situation was going to lead me down a rabbit hole or be the foundation on to which I could build a sandcastle. The fact that it is chronicled for me, kind of blew my mind: "Rabbit Holes and Sandcastles".
I learned a lot from reading that post and reflecting back. The first thing that stood out was, "Boy, I hope I have grown as a writer since then". But what seriously stood out and caused me to pause, was the fact that in that post, I spelled out the kind of leader I wanted to be.
I believe in order to grow forward, we must reflect back. Looking back at that post actually made me smile. It helped me realize that even though that "plan" was never looked at again, I tried to stay true to it. I subconsciously must have had those "leadership goals" in mind as I conducted myself this year. Was I successful? I do not know...that would have to come in the form of feedback from the people I support. What I can do, is feel good in the fact that every day...I worked hard to be that kind of leader. Here are just a few of the traits from that post, that I work on daily:
-Build up others
-Be approachable and helpful
-Enhance people's strengths and help them grow in their weaknesses
-Be a constant learner who shares my learning
-Take risks and fail forward
-Do what I say and say what I do
I read that blog a few days ago, and just can't shake it. There is power in being able to go back, sit back in that moment and be able to then track that journey. I can check myself and course correct if needed. Isn't that what we want to build in our students? But, oh my gosh, isn't that what we want to build within our adults?
Imagine the impact of having your team do a similar activity at the beginning of the year? Have them sketch, write, video...somehow record their thoughts, ideas, goals, fears and excitement for the upcoming school year. They then pass it off to their trusted person, to be returned on the last day of school. I would love to see that! I would love for them to be able to track their journey over the year...see their growth. Often times, we don't see the big picture when we are in the middle of it.
I have been extremely fortunate to be able to watch many teachers' journeys over this year. I don't know if they realize their growth...but I do! So I share it with them, in the hopes that they can then reflect and see it for themselves. I hope to share another teacher's journey in my next post.
So, as the school year comes to an end...I task you with reflecting back. It has power in helping you grow forward.
Yesterday was an interesting day, to say the least. My head was spinning...full of many different ideas, projects and thoughts. My heart was was reeling full of many different emotions, feelings and sentiments. When I awoke this morning, the above quote popped to the front of my mind. "Sometimes we need to zoom out in order to refocus." This idea of "zooming out" seemed to be intertwined with a lot of conversations I have had, yesterday in particular.
I had a fantastic conversation with one of my bosses, in which she was reflecting about our past few years in our district. She said "I never realized, until today, how much we have accomplished. When we are in the middle of it, we are constantly second guessing, wondering if our decisions or actions have really had the impact that we had hoped for." My response was "It is really hard to see clearly, when we are in the middle of the trees, but if we just zoom out, and look at the whole forest...one might be awed at what we see." (Well, I didn't say it quite as poetic...but you get the picture :).
Interestingly enough, at the same time...I was really struggling myself. I didn't even realize until now, that it was pretty much the same struggle. I was wrestling with the fact that I really want to affect change, I want to create impact. I beat myself up, often, because I feel like I am failing. I feel like I am too small for such a feat. I often feel like I am running on a hamster wheel, going...going...going, but really going nowhere. This is about the time, when one of my good friends usually steps in! Always at the right time, always with the right words.
He is always reminding me to think more "big picture", in an essence...to zoom out. As he witnesses things from the outside, he sees things differently than I do. I tend to zoom in...way in. I get tripped up by the little things, that seem so big at the time. But it's when I zoom out, look at things as a whole...the picture becomes much more clear. When I do this "zooming out", it causes me to check myself...check my perspective. I always thank him for these reminders, because I need them to refocus. I need to be reminded to think beyond myself...not much I do is about me (or at least that is my intent). When I remember that, I can re-frame. I can then use that wide frame to regain my focus. If my goal is for the greater good, then I need to put my own ego and my own knee jerk emotions aside. I need to realize that it IS the small things that create big change. I say it often enough...I guess I just don't listen. If we CAN connect the dots of those small things, maybe they actually do line up to help create a wave of change.
There have been a few times recently when I have reflected on the amazing impact some of my people have on the greater good. I don't think THEY see their magnitude. This is what I say to them "You need to step back...really step back and look at your reach, look at your impact."...and then I proceed to explain the view from where I sit. I know, for a fact, that I have said it at least three times to three different people in the last week. But why can I not say it to myself?
We all have incredible things to offer, but many times we don't even realize our effect. Often times, we are so hyper focused on the here and now. It is important to be in the moment, but it is also so imperative to reflect, and pan out. Zoom out. I know when I do, it is always a huge wake up call that forces me to refocus.
So...keep things in perspective...zoom out every once in awhile and adjust focus as needed, so you can view YOUR impact clearly.
I have recently realized that I am drawn to water. It is near the water that I am calmed and introspective, with a quieted mind. Some common words used when talking about the symbolism or water are: Life, Motion, Renewal, Blessing, Intuition, Reflection and Transformation. When I review that list, it makes sense that this is where I often find refuge and recharge.
One thing I love about the water is when something is put into the it, there is a ripple effect. If you skip a stone, jump in, swim or just simply put your foot in, it causes a change. This change has a radiating affect. This effect is where I am reflecting today. This idea has been in my mind quite awhile, and I will do my best to put it into words and context.
I truly believe that "small moments have huge gains", but we are often unaware of those small moments, and miss the effects. I think it is important to realize that we DO have an effect, whether it is positive or negative, we do. That is important.
Words: I have said many times, "Words have power". They do! They have the power to lift someone up or tear someone down. It is also important to realize that they have a lasting effect. So many times, I personally have let others' words, affect me. Sometimes in a good way, often times not. Words stick to us and are worse then physical bruises, because many times, they do not fade. That is why I really try hard to use that power for good.
In my life, it has been words from others, that have kept me moving forward. To the speaker, they may not even have thought twice about it, nor the effect. People do not realize the reach that words can have. Someone believing in me, when I did not have belief in myself, has helped me to then pay that forward. It is because of this that I am very cognizant of my words and work hard to choose them wisely. My words will affect others and so on. Words change us, which in turn changes how we react, interact, speak, do. THAT is the ripple effect.
Think about our students. Often times, we do not know what they are dealing with. Our words to them, may just be THE ONLY words directed to them, that day, week, month. Because of that, our words have a tremendous ripple effect. WOW, just think of the magnitude of that. What were your last words to a student, how might that affect their trajectory? Now let's take it further...this is not only true for students, but for everyone!
One of our principals put up students pictures in the staff lounge. The idea was that teachers would add post-its to the picture, if they had spoken WITH that student. What a powerful experience! It was shared that there were days when some students had 0 post its. ZERO! I broke down in tears when I heard that. BUT, think of the tremendous learning. Think about the affect that had on those teachers and the hope that moving forward, they thought about their interactions with more intention.
I have a bad habit of "getting mushy" with people by letting them know how much their words had an effect on me. I do this because I want them to know the power of words. My hopes are that they will realize and understand, that they have that power and I appreciate them using that power for good.
As I am processing to write this...so many other ideas of this ripple effect come to mind: our choices, our actions, our relationships, our movements. The breath of this idea is overwhelming and I think I will need to explore each of these in depth...at a future time.
For now...my call to action is to really reflect on our words...choose them well...they have power, remember that.
Below is a video of a man that skips a rock. Each time it hits the water, it creates a ripple. As you watch, think of each of those skips as our words.
So if you know me at all, I am always encouraging others to step out of their comfort zone, lean into the discomfort...just jump. I call it "nudging", but they may call it "pushing". Well, you might also know that I am BIG on "walking the talk". So I wanted to share some of my personal stories in regards to the above. They are not all stories of the standard of "success", but I do share how I used them to stretch forward. I believe that by sharing our truths, we can help others.
Last week was a big "stretch forward" week for me. It was my first time presenting for CUE at the first ever CUE BOLD. I went into this weekend, only knowing two people (HUGE leap for me to hang out with strangers for 2 days...big introvert anxiety), but man was it fantastic! More on that in the link below.
The second big stretch was that I recorded my first podcast! When Brent Coley approached me to do this interview, my first thought was "HE** NO!". I can kind of write, but have a coherent conversation, that others will hear? NO WAY! BUT, I didn't say no...what I actually said was "That is WAY out of my comfort zone, but I need to do it because I can't ask others to risk, if I don't". The topic: Stretching out of our comfort zones!!! It was all about us sharing stories of stretching forward. The topic is what sparked this blog post. I expand more on the CUE BOLD story and others, listen here: brentcoley.com/podcast . We recorded last Thursday and it was such a wonderful experience! Now will I listen to it? I am usure-(I don't want to hear my own voice), but I am so glad I did it.
I often talk about "switch flip" moments. A colleague asked me what that meant the other day. I explained it was the "aha" moment when something shifts in someone. Something triggered them to change something...a light switch was turned on. One of my big "switch flip" moments came as a result of reading Brene Brown's book Daring Greatly. The whole book was wrapped around this Teddy Roosevelt quote:
In the book, Brene talks about the fact that she WANTS to be in that ring...all in. I realized that I wanted to as well. I started stepping out of my comfort zone, knowing full well that I will fall...but at least I made the move. Last year I started using that quote with others: "Dare Greatly". I even gave the Roosevelt quote along with a plaque that said "Dare Greatly...#take risks" to teachers in our district that I wanted to celebrate for stepping out of their comfort zone. I LOVED seeing others take risks and the big pay offs.
BUT do your words ever come back to bite you? Mine do ALL THE TIME, but I love that. I LOVE when people put me in check...especially when those words help me stretch.
Last year I received my Administrative Credential, I didn't know what I was going to do with it, but I knew that I wanted to move forward. A principal position opened up in my district...hmmm. I was actually told that I wouldn't even make the paper screening. My first reaction...recoil. But then I started thinking...well, if I go into this knowing I have NO chance, then I know I am just going in for the experience. I was wavering back and forth. Do I put myself out there and make the people I work with every day, have to turn me down? How awkward will that be? I was texting with a friend about it and her response "Come on, Cori...take a risk, dare greatly!". Well...what could I say to my own words except "Ok...I will!". I turned in my paperwork and low and behold...I did make it through the paper screening. Again...I entered the interview knowing the absolute truth that this was ONLY for a learning and growing experience. Boy, was it! I did not get the job and I am actually glad that I didn't (a story for another time). But I WAS glad that I put myself out there. I stretched myself and I learned a lot! I took all that learning about myself and the organization and have used it as I proceeded forward this year.
A few months later, I was messaging with a gentleman that I had met through Twitter. At one point, I asked him if I could interview him for a blog post on "innovation". He agreed to it, but only if we did it through Voxer. What the heck is he talking about? Well I learned it is a "walkie talkie" type app. This was NOT something that I wanted to do...I wanted to hide behind my keyboard to conduct this interview. I was on high introvert anxiety. Well, his words to me were "Cori, how can we discuss innovation if you won't be innovative in how we discuss it?". Dang it... he was right! So, I reluctantly opened an account and sat quiet. Next thing I know...someone else was invited to the "chat" and it was go time. I was introduced to the other gentleman and the ball was in my court. I had no other choice but to talk into this thing...EEK!
THAT interview was never written up, but I had no way of knowing that those two gentleman would make such an impact on me! I am so thankful that Jon Corippo and David Culberhouse stretched me in that interview (and continue to do so, daily). These two stretch my thinking like I can't even believe and they encourage me to stretch myself like I never knew I could. They have changed me for the better, and I am so thankful that I took that initial leap!
Whenever I even think of going into that recoil mode, I think of these two stories and many others. I realize where I would be if I took the easy, route...if I had stayed in my "comfy zone". I know that I would not be who or where I am in my life today. I now take leaps, know that I will stumble and fall, but also know that I will do so "daring greatly". I know that I will always come out with something positive as I reflect on the process, the learning and the journey and be better for it.
So my call to action...just dare greatly. It could be something as small as me speaking into the Voxer app...which lead to unknown HUGE gains.
I was sitting at a kindergarten NGSS training a few weeks ago and they were discussing the NGSS shifts. Their task was to write a "tweet" about a shift and share it with someone else. One teacher came up to me to show me the hashtag she wrote on hers-#shifthappens. Ever since then, that term has stuck with me. It has so many different meanings...I could write multiple posts, but I will start with one. I am in constant self reflection mode (not sure if this is a good or bad thing) so this post will be a reflection on the shifts in me.
A few days ago, I made this image through #teacherstats and tweeted it out. I was actually quite surprised with the text that I wrote. I don't usually use the word "strong" when I think of myself, and never really thought about my shift in focus, until I wrote it.
Within the last year or so, my shift HAS really changed. I have started looking at education more globaly. Beyond my classroom, school site...even beyond our district. My main shift has become: "How can we create a better experience for our students?" I really want to be part of making this shift in education. Looking at the "350 Students" in that image just seems so small...I want to reach more.
Classrooms need to be student centered.
Students should be creating.
Students need to be talking...to each other.
Students need to be practicing meta cognition...out loud.
Students should be given multiple entry AND exit points.
All students' ideas need to be valued.
Meet students where they are, not the other way around.
Teach to the edges, there is no average.
Students should be engaged and empowered in their learning.
Student voice and choice should be prevalent in the classroom.
Relationships matter, build that foundation.
Create experiences that are relevant.
Foster student passions.
I don't need the "why", I already know that one. Students NEED and DESERVE it. My focus is on HOW can we create these shifts. Where do I fit into it? How can I (one person) affect a large change? I find myself asking the same questions again and again, hoping someone, somewhere will have the answer.
How can we ensure that students are at the center of learning?
How do we help others understand that teaching is not about us, it's about the students?
How do we encourage others of the need for a shift?
How do we deal with those who are digging in their heels?
How do we build capacity in others to help lead the change?
What do we do with our early adopters?
How do we help others move past insecurities and take risks?
I find myself having these conversations with some incredibly savvy educational leaders and it leads me to even more questions. But what I do find is that through these conversations, it creates more small shifts within me. I was never one to have strong opinions, and I NEVER shared my opinions if I had any. This has changed. I am finding my voice...because I believe we need to be "louder" if we want to be heard AND listened to. I have found my voice because I am passionate in doing right by our students.
I always go back to this phrase that my friend, Jon Corippo shared with me a while back: "Use your megaphone for good." So I always try to do that. Whatever forum I am in, I try to help create positive shifts. Whether that is one on one, in front of a crowd, through Twitter, this blog space....I try to convey this message: We need to keep changing FOR and WITH our students. They NEED to be at the center, always." I don't know if I have made a dent...but I will keep trying, because our kids deserve it!
I am sitting here, with a laundry list of other things that I should be doing, but I am compelled to write. I know that my mind will be of no use, unless I get this out. I wrote a piece earlier today to be published in an ebook. The topic was about "collaboration" and my piece was about "Finding YOUR People"...more specifically: Finding Your Tribe. I will share some of that piece in a minute, but the interesting thing is...right as I pushed submit on that piece, I received a message from one of my "tribe people". This message was an incredibly kind, supportive, wake up call to me. It was exactly what I needed, at that exact moment in time. Funny how that works. More on that in a bit.
Here is an excerpt from my story:
#tribematters: This idea of finding your tribe, is new to me...but so transformative! It wasn’t until this last year, that I feel I have found my tribe people and have understood the impact. I describe a tribe as a group of YOUR people. These are the people that “get” you. They understand where you are coming from, where you want to go and help you to get there. They are there to listen when you need an ear, lift you when you are down, celebrate when there are wins and push you farther than you thought you could go. Your tribe members don’t necessarily need to be like minded people, but they are usually like hearted people...that is where the connection is made.
I personally have been extremely blessed to have found my tribe! It is not large, but they are large in my life. It is made up of amazing, humble educational leaders who care. I would not have survived this last year without this crew! There have been many times of self doubt, pitfalls, frustration, small wins, big wins, naysaying, bullying, good times and bad...and they have seen me through them all. They have helped me to see things and believe things in myself, that I never knew. They put me in check when needed and they absolutely stretch me AND my thinking.
I have come to rely on this amazing group of people for a lot. I just hope that I can give back in return. This should be a two way street and I often wonder if I am pulling my weight in these relationships. I often reflect and wonder how I can give back to them. I don’t feel I have much to give, besides my ear and my heart...both of those are always free and clear when/if they are needed...I hope they know that.
And this is when I got today's kick in the a**! The thing that struck me, was that I easily and openly received the message...this is new to me. My usual MO is to quickly put up walls when hearing tough stuff, but this was different. Why? I think I have figured it out...intent. While I was listening, my eyes were tearing up and I really didn't know why. I now realize, it was because of the intent behind the words. This is a trusted person (which is tough for me in the first place) whom I have great respect for. This person was seeing the effect things were having on me, when I couldn't see it myself and stopped me in my tracks. The words and the intent were implicitly authentic AND real. I took them in and made the shift in my mind and my heart. I went through the rest of the day, functioning in a different way...looking at things through a different lens. THAT is what your tribe can do for you.
I know this person does not even see the power of these words, so that is why I decided to write. I often say that words matter because they absolutely do! Something we say, can change someone else (good or bad). That 1 minute message created a shift...words are free and take up very little time. Let's use our megaphone for good.
I am thankful every day for the amazing people that have entered into my life and often question how I got so lucky. If they are reading this, they know who they are because I thank them often, yet don't feel I can thank them enough. I urge you, find YOUR people and hold on to them.
A few days ago, I wrote a post entitled "Forward". That is my #oneword2017 and I want to tell you...it ain't easy! It seems like a pretty simple concept...just keep moving...forward, but it is HARD. There are so many pitfalls, curve balls, walls, deterrents that can get in the way. But I believe that it is incredibly important to continue in that forward motion.
I have come up with some adjectives to help describe the traits that I believe one needs to keep on moving forward:
F-Futurist: So I looked up the definition of this one. Here is what I found, futurists focus on "forcasting, imagining or creating the future". I think it is pretty clear, that we just CAN NOT forcast the future, because it is changing so rapidly. But for someone to keep moving forward, I believe that we must be able to imagine the future. This means we are always thinking ahead, and planning. We are not stuck in the past, nor the present, we have our eye on what is to come. I also believe we must create our future. We can't just wait for things to happen TO us. We need to see what is needed and we create that space, that opportunity, that THING to make it happen...always forward.
O-Original: In order to keep that forward momentum, we need to be an original thinkers. We don't settle for "status quo". We see a need for change and work hard to make it happen. We need to be confident in being different, celebrate it...in fact. People may look at us funny, try to change us...but we have to stand firm. Being orgiginal does not mean that every action/idea IS original...this just means that we look at it through a different lens and iterate in our own way...always forward.
R-Reflective: In order to move forward, we DO need to look back. We don't need to LIVE there, but we do need to acknowledge and understand. We need to take all that has happened before and find the learning. Both what TO do and what NOT to do...both are important. We need to keep these in our backpacks as we travel forward. We will need to refer back to them as we try to line up those forward dots. We will pull from them in times of dissonance and change..in times of success AND failure. They are what makes us who we are, it is what keeps us going...always forward.
W-Wonderer: As we travel on that forward journey, we should always be questioning...always wondering. What if...Why not...How can we? These are like the journeyman's staff. They will help to keep us moving. When we think we can no longer move forward, we need dig in and question. Where are we, where do we want to be, how can we get there? Then take those steps to start finding those answers...always forward.
A-Adaptive: Life is nothing if not complicated. It is ever changing and we must be chameleons to adapt with it. There is no reason to resist change, it will happen with or without us. We must reflect on our surroundings and quickly decide how to best move forward. We will have to change our thinking, our ideas, our actions...often. But never let it deter us, never let it turn us back...always forward.
R-Resilient: Like I stated before, this journey forward isn't easy. There are times you will feel like you are in a sand pit, a tornado, quick sand, swimming against the current, falling down the rabbit hole. When this happens, we need to be resilient to keep going on. The way I do this, is I always use my purpose as my "north star". I focus back on why I am here and align my thoughts, ideas, actions with that. If I need to course correct...then so be it, but I can't let it stop me...always forward.
D-Dreamer: I attribute this one to goal setting. If we are going to set goals, let's DREAM BIG! Imagine what it would be like once your goals are reached. Plan backwards TO move forwards. What are the steps to get you to where you want to go? What do you need to do to get there? Share your dreams, share your journey. Bring other dreamers along for the ride, traveling is always better together! Once your goal is reached...how can you stretch beyond?...always forward.
Steve Wyborney inspired this post when he asked me what words I could come up with for the acronym "forward". I enlisted the help of my pal David Culberhouse to brainstorm some word ideas with me. These two AND many other amazing folks have helped me to continue on my journey...always forward.
Mother, teacher, TOSA, GCE Level 1 & 2, Encourager of others.
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