I am a big proponent of being vulnerable, open and honest. Which is funny, because I tend to be closed off with certain aspects of my life. Trust is big with me and I don’t tend to give that away freely. But here is why I tell my story. If my story can help even one person, it is worth telling. So, how did I get from where I started, to where I am now, in my profession and my life? In this story, they are intertwined. This is a story of transformation.
It is interesting to look back and compare the me 15 years ago to the me now. In my current position, I have an avenue to share ideas, to support others. I stand in front of large groups of people and encourage best practices and taking risks. A definite contradiction from where I began... I began my teaching career in 2001 as a Kindergarten teacher. Most people will tell you that their first years of teaching were horrific. I am in the minority, as my first years and all subsequent years were fantastic, in one aspect. I never had that “one” class. I had wonderful students, every year. Maybe I am looking back with rose colored glasses, but I remember a wonderful experience, at least with my students. Beyond my four walls, and within myself, THAT is a different story. Throughout my 13 years in the classroom, I taught many grades (K-4) and many combinations. With every change; first there was panic, but then I grew to love each and every class. What did occur during the first 11 years, was a lot of doubt. Why was I moved around so much? Was the principal trying to get rid of me? Was I a bad teacher? My constant movement was never explained to me, so left to my own devices, I only thought “I must be a bad teacher”. No one ever told me any different, so I just continued down that rabbit hole of self doubt. On the one hand, I felt I was doing a good job because my students were happy in my class, we had fantastic relationships and they made great growth when they were with me. But why did I feel so bad about myself? When I reflect back, I never received the much desired “atta boy”, but just questions on how I could do something differently, in my mind, better. I continued to work hard, improve my practice, but at the same time, withdraw into my four walls and into myself. I was quiet, incredibly quiet, almost silent. I was that teacher on campus who never shared what was happening in my classroom. Not because I didn’t want to share with others, but because I was afraid that what I was doing was “wrong”. In my class, students were allowed freedom to be creative. I incorporated art, music, and drama...but I hid it all because I thought it was “bad”, yet I saw so many gains. Students who struggled academically had now found confidence in the arts. With encouragement, that confidence spilled over into all facets of their learning, and that is when growth happened. This idea definitely parallels my journey. More on that later... I was the teacher that sat in 11 years of staff meetings and NEVER said a word, out of fear and lack of confidence. I always had ideas to contribute, but didn’t feel they were worth contributing. If I ever felt brave enough to voice something, I would just whisper it to a colleague and have them say it out loud. Somehow, when they repeated it, it sounded amazing. Even if it were my exact words, it always sounded better coming from them, then it did in my head. I spent 11 years in self doubt, that my ideas didn’t matter and that I had nothing to contribute...at my school and in my life. But I am here to to prove that circumstances can change, people can change and sometimes it just takes one person believing in you to change your life's trajectory.
16 Comments
4/10/2016 10:03:18 am
Wow. I would have never known this about you had you not shared it! Having only really known you in your current role as a TOSA, I would have never guessed that you had been plagued with self-doubt as a teacher. And what does that speak to? School culture? Hm, that gives me something else to think about. Interested to hear how you transformed to who you are now. I adore transformation stories because they always involve honesty, truth, love and change.
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Cori
4/10/2016 11:39:58 am
This is not a story I readily share, but for whatever reason, I was compelled to share it today.
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Josephine
4/10/2016 11:41:47 am
That's why blogs are good!
Josephine
4/10/2016 10:50:58 am
This is an awesome post. It explains a lot about you and I felt honored to read it. I'm glad you have become a TOSA and REALLY hope you start to share your presence and amazeballness (I'm making that a word) more in MS.
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Cori
4/10/2016 11:41:21 am
It does explain who I am, and my hope is that others will see that they can change, as well.
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Dianne
4/10/2016 11:12:57 am
Great post! I think, as teachers, we all experience that self-doubt. We are, for the most part, isolated in our classrooms for most of our day without any opportunity for feedback from other educators. Personally, I always second guess my choices in the classroom and look back wondering if there was something I could have done better. BUT.... that reflection (often disguised as self doubt) is what improves our teaching. I hope I never stop second guessing myself. Our job is one that is continually evolving and we have to evolve with it. I know you are, and were, an AMAZEBALLS teacher, I've seen you in action! BTW, I'm pretty sure that amazeballness IS a word. :)
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Cori
4/10/2016 11:42:43 am
Thanks Dianne. That was my hope with this post, to share that we are always able to evolve and learn from every encounter and every experience.
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Josephine
4/10/2016 11:43:19 am
My question: how did you finally get over this self doubt to applying for a leadership roll? What compelled you?
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Cori
4/10/2016 11:57:34 am
That's the next chapter :)
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Jenny Goldman
4/10/2016 12:15:14 pm
Powerful post. I think I may have learned one of the most valuable lessons I could have as a principal just now - from you. Thank you
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Cori
4/10/2016 01:13:47 pm
Oh my! I don't even know how to respond to that, except: Glad I could be of service. :)
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Jennifer Goldman
4/10/2016 12:15:36 pm
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Steve p
4/10/2016 11:00:39 pm
I'm anxious to read the next 'chapter' and find how you broke out of your cocoon. 'Atta' girls are impt, I'm truly surprised that no one saw the wonderful things you were giving your students
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Cori
4/11/2016 07:21:02 am
I have learned that 'atta boys' need to come from within. If someone is waiting for that as validation, the wait may be forever. One needs to just be confident in knowing they are doing what's best.
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4/11/2016 08:58:26 am
(I wish there was a like button on comments, I would totally press it for this one!)
Cori
4/11/2016 09:20:33 am
Those that know me, know that I readily give praise and encouragement to others...but it is always completely authentic! I think that people just want to feel that they are valued and are important. I feel that if I think this about someone, it is my duty to share it with them. No point keeping that to myself. Leave a Reply. |
Mother, Teacher, Administrator, Presenter, GCE Level 1 & 2, Encourager of others.
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