Hello Friends, It's Been Awhile... I read it often, now all I have to do is live it often. That's ALL I have to do. Sounds as simple as walking through quicksand. Hopefully my writing is a step in the right direction for myself and others.
My call to action is this... Reflect on how you show up for others. Then reflect on how you show up for yourself. Then just breathe.
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ln my first few years of teaching, my Principal (Rob Hunter- Yes, Madeline's son) instilled this idea that content should not be the main focus in the first two weeks of school. He not only gave us "permission" to "slow roll" in order to get to know our students, it was an expectation. 20 years later, I have carried that message with me and share it with others. This year, more than ever, this idea still rings true. For the most part, students and teachers have been outside of the "typical" classroom environment for at least a year and a half. We have heard over and over again about the supposed "learning loss" that this has created. But so much more has been lost and needs to be rebuilt before we can even begin to fill any learning gaps. *And as I have said many times before- EVERYONE is in the same boat, EVERYONE is going to need support in filling gaps. It is not a loss, it is a reframing. The idea of #CultureOverCurriculum is that if we do not set the foundation of building culture, trust and relationship with our students, it will be pretty tough to get the curriculum in. The one silver lining from the school shutdowns is that I have heard over and over, from educators all over, that they got to really know their students more than ever before. We need to know them to grow them and that is one of the big learnings that we keep from this crisis. Using this crisis as a catalyst for change, let us not lose sight of how powerful those connections and relationships are. In the last few weeks, I have provided some professional development in different spaces, but they all centered around this idea or #CultureOverCurriciulm. For the most part, people seemed to agree and were excited to take back ideas shared, for the opening of school. But when you put yourself out there, you are open to all kinds of feedback. I received some feedback in one session that just broke my heart. I didn't care about the negative feedback about my session and it's contents. I was more disheartened for the students that will be walking into this teacher's class. It was nice to see this Edutopia article to let me know that I was on the right track. Feedback comment #1: "All those "beginning" "fun" things seem like time wasters. Really" I provided time and space for the participants to actually do some "beginning of the year" activities, so they could see the power in connection. Through these activities, students and the teacher begin to build an understanding of each other. They begin to see commonalities amongst themselves that they may not have found otherwise. When students begin to feel that they belong, their affective filter lowers. When they feel seen and hears, the walls begin to come down. When you learn what makes each student tick, you are better able to support them in their learning. Your students are people, they are children and they have been through a lot. Probably more than we will ever know. But getting to know and understand them does not seem like a waste of time. Once those bonds are formed and students feel safe, they will be more open and engaged and the learning will become more sticky. Beyond the culture and relationship building, the activities that we participated in were not "one and done". These structures and activities could and should be used all throughout the year, by adding in content. Since students are familiar with the protocol, their cognitive energy will be spent on the actual content. (ala #Eduprotocols). Feedback comment #2: "Culture Over Curriculum" I totally disagree. You can create safety in your environment WITH the curriculum. It helps with English, as students can share their life, their opinions, their interests in their writing." I do not disagree that safety can be created WITH the curriculum, but it is difficult. I don't know many students (or adults) that feel comfortable sharing their life, opinions and interests with strangers. I especially don't know many students that would truthfully share those things with their teacher, if the teacher has never taken the time to get to know them. I am not saying don't have students write. On the contrary, they should be writing, speaking, listening from day 1. But it is the content of those writings and discussions that matter. One of the first activities I did with my last class was "Four Corners" where I had them anonymously respond to these 4 questions: What are you excited about? What are you nervous about? What do you want to learn? What is something that you want Ms. Orlando to know? What I learned from that 10 minute exercise was that I had a lot of work to do to build trust with these students. On the chart with "What are you nervous about?" and "What is something that you want Ms. Orlando to Know?" a majority of the post-its were some form of being afraid of being "bad" or "punished" and my heart broke. So we had a spontaneous discussion and to hear how these students felt, was heart wrenching. And I vowed then and there that I was going to make sure that they felt safe and seen in my class. And believe me, it wasn't easy, it wasn't quick and we had many "restarts". I came home crying many nights in those first few months because I just couldn't get the curriculum through those huge walls that they had up. And we, WE worked on it every day. And around month 3, I noticed a shift. I noticed how they treated one another, how they responded to me and we became a family. And it was beautiful. What came from that was increased self confidence, collaboration and empathy. And yes, their learning was off the charts. And I just keep thinking, "What if I had not done that one simple activity with them?". That one activity changed me forever and I hope that it created a change in them. Feedback comment #3: "This would not be done in Finland and Norway, in Korea or Thailand. We would be losing out on quality teaching time with these "cutesy" ideas. Sorry. I can only refer to my responses to the first two pieces of feedback. Would we be losing out on quality teaching time? What is more important, teaching time or learning time? Education isn't about us. We could teach our hearts out, but if students are not learning- isn't that time lost? If we don't create environments for students to do the 4Cs (Critically Thinking, Communicating, Collaborating and Creating), what are we doing? These things need to be built, and again, trust and safety is involved. These are risky things we are asking of our students. Taking the time up front, to lay the foundation will pay back in dividends throughout the year. AND- the culture, trust and relationship building should not stop after those first 2 weeks. It took months for that last class of mine to trust that I was on their side. I had to to prove it through my actions, over and over again. The building of our class family never stopped, it was incorporated into everything we did. That is how they knew they could trust me and each other. So my call to action is this: Take those first two weeks to do a "slow roll". This doesn't mean you do 0 curriculum. It means that your number one focus is not on the curriculum. Find ways to incorporate culture and relationship building in a low stakes fashion. It will be worth it. Session Presentation LinksSmart Start Your School YearI have been pondering this post for some time. Not sure if I wanted to write it, yet knowing I needed to. So here goes. Over the last few years, I have not felt like myself, yet have always acted like myself- meaning I have never wavered from staying true to who I am. I did not fall into the games played by egos, but always work from the heart in support of others. I have not been able to lead with my passions or skills, yet always led with heart. I have endured a lot, yet I have learned even more. And although I always, always, always put my heart and soul into my work and those I work with, in the back of my mind and deep in my soul, I knew I needed to take another leap. So here we go, embarking on another new journey. This one filled with hope, excitement and possibilities. I am ready for a reboot. I interviewed for my new Edtech position about a month ago, in which one of the "off script" questions began with "Well you know your reputation precedes you..." And I was taken aback. My first thought was "Is this a standard question?". My second thought was "Ummm is that a good or bad?". Upon leaving, I asked a friend from the organization if this was a typical question, to which the response was "No, you have a great reputation in the Edtech circles". And again, I was taken aback.
Now I am not telling this story to "toot my own horn", I am telling this story because I FORGOT that I even had a horn to begin with! I had completely forgotten about that life that I used to live. I realized that I had been out of the game for two years! I did not remember all of the presentations, talks, connections, collaborations, creativity that used to fill me up! And although I tried my darnedest to infuse good pedagogy and Edtech into all that I did in my admin job (ELA/SLA/ELD for 29 elementary schools- seems like a no-brainer, right?), I was met with a lot of confusing barriers. I had forgotten that those parts of me were actually positive parts. And once I had that realization, there was no question on what I had to do. I had to follow my passion, I had to follow my heart and I had to embark on a new journey where I can live my calling (my original 6 word memoir): "One who encourages and inspires others". So with that, I am so excited to be going to a place that not only sees and accepts the skills and passions I bring to the table, but are the reason I was hired. I am so excited to get back to supporting educators, families and students in the way that my heart has been aching to do. In the way that I have tried over the last few years, but have failed. And you know me- #failforward all the way. I learned and hopefully have grown a lot during my "pause" which I will take forward and use for good. So, I will begin this journey with these famous words "Don't call it a comeback, I've been here for years..." (Thanks LL). I do not look at this as a restart- because I am not starting over. I am using all my trials, tribulations, triumphs, successes and failures as feedback to best support others forward. That is why I am calling this a "reboot". I have taken the three weeks between jobs to do a lot of reflection. To reset my personal and professional goals, to jump into this next phase refreshed (because we all know we needed that after last year!), I feel realigned and renewed and am ready to re-enter this world of Edtech and support! My call to action is this: After this crazy year, take a little time to yourself to "reboot". To reset, refresh, realign, renew and move forward. And don't forget to breathe. And do yourself a favor, write it out- it is so damn cathartic! And if you want to go one step further, write it out to your future self with "Future Me". You can send an email to yourself in the future (it works!), then you can use that for your next reboot forward. Over the past year, I have found myself asking the same question in my head, over and over. "What is going on here?". And I don't mean the obvious- the Global Pandemic and collective trauma. What I am questioning is why does it seem like many decisions, actions, directives- are ignoring the reality we are in? Nobody is ok. Nobody. We can NOT ignore this. Students are not ok. Teachers are not ok. Families are not ok. Administrators are not ok. Let's begin by that acknowledgment. It is at least a start. I have witnessed a lot of "business as usual" and "just move through this" and I just don't get it. With something this earth shaking, we can not just bury it and walk over it because it will explode. What this crisis has done is it has shined a light on a lot of things. Because of this, I have seen many try to shift focus on well being, which is a positive step. BUT has SEL now become a buzzword that I am not sure we all have a handle on? Student and teacher social emotional well being should always have been a focus in education, but now it has moved to the forefront because of the glaring need for it. But how is it addressed? How can teachers and students focus on this important aspect when they feel this pressure of "not being left behind" academically? I still question, who is behind who? The reality is, everyone is going to come out behind because we are in a CRISIS. So if everyone is behind, no one is behind. Do we need assessments to give us this data? Do the assessment results surprise us? Students are struggling. Guess what? They are struggling with way more than academics. Have we assessed what is actually going on in students' hearts and minds? Here is another question. Has anyone assessed the teachers? And what I mean by that, is, has anyone done a thorough check in on how they are doing? How they are dealing? How they are handling? How they are struggling and how they are suffering? Because if we ignore the reality, we can't support changing it. A guardian angel for educators has been Shea Wesley Martin (@sheathescholar). If you are not familiar, Shea has created a Padlet entitled "An Anonymous Teacher Speaks" and it needs to be seen, read and digested: This is a space where educators have been able to freely and anonymously share their realities since 10/2020. And as an admin, this is all the data I need. I make it a point to read posts on a weekly basis and my heart just aches and breaks to hear the pain of these educators. So many are broken, beaten down, exhausted, feeling like failures and just plain frustrated. These are the caretakers of our kids. How can we ask them to do all of the impossible things they are being asked to do, when they, themselves need to be taken care of? But they do, because education is a heart job. But just because we know that they will risk their mental and physical health, put their students above their own selves - doesn't mean they should. What role do we play in this and what role can we play in changing this?
We can not continue to have meetings and make decisions in which we don't even mention the trauma, the crisis, the reality of our teachers and students. We can not continue to make plans without this biggest consideration at the forefront. We can not continue to place our time and energy into things that take us away from supporting what is right in front of us. How can we plan forward if we ignore the present? I don't think we can, because when we look back, all we will see is brokenness, disconnect, mistrust, fatigue, frustration, sadness and anger. Those are not the building blocks on which to build our students' futures. I don't know the answer. I don't have the power. All I know is that we have to start with acknowledgement. My call to action is this: Read through the posts in "An Anonymous Teacher Speaks". For those of you that are in the trenches, you will see that you are not alone. For those of us that support those in the trenches, we will find empathy and understanding. Reflect on where your role fits in and how you can help to make a shift. Here is one wondering- has anything like this been created to capture student voices? They are our ultimate "end users", we need to hear from them. It has been quite awhile since I have written and there is a reason. I have felt like in this crazy space we are all in, my voice didn't matter. Why? Because I am not in the trenches with teachers and students right now. Honestly, it was Imposter Syndrome. Who am I to say anything about the state of our education, when I am not on the front line? When I am behind the scenes? Who wants to hear from someone on "the dark side" when everyone is feeling the darkness. Suffering and just surviving? And it has been killing me. So I have finally been compelled to write. Here goes... I am not going to sit here and write about what it must be like for you in the classroom right now. I am not going to sit here and write about what it must be like to be in your shoes right now. Why? Because I have no right. I am not living your life in this time of chaos. What I am choosing to write about is what I have observed from where I am. I am choosing to call out the #brightspots and hopefully encourage you to take a beat and reflect on yours. During the Spring shut down, it was all hands on deck in our department. One thing that meant was, we were completely open to support teachers in whatever they needed, whether it was our "role" or not. Myself and my team spent most of our time in our "office hours". One #brightspot for me, was that I was able to meet, connect and support so many of our teachers. I would have never had the chance to meet them otherwise, in my role in this extremely large district. And here is the thing. I was new. Not even in the position for a full year. So, I was so humbled when teachers felt they could come to me. They didn't know me. They may have spent a few days in PD with me, but beyond that, I was an unknown. The mere fact that they were coming to me, clued me in on where they were and how they were feeling. As I wrote in my last blog post "You Are Doing It", many began with apologies or self deprecation. There was a sense of failure, disappointment and judgement of themselves. BUT, they were doing it! I met with many weekly, some daily...mostly to get them comfortable with the technology and support them to best meet the needs of their students. But many times it was just a place for me to listen. And I haven’t stopped listening, watching and learning. Here we are "mid-year" and those office hours are no longer needed. Why? Because you are doing it! But sadly, many just aren't seeing it. I still hear so many teachers feeling like they are failing their students. And it BREAKS MY HEART. I wish you all could just see what I see. This is perpetuated by the constant nagging notion that "The students are BEHIND!". And my question is...behind who? Last time I checked, this is a global pandemic. Last time I checked, we are all living through this collective trauma. Glennon Doyle talks about the word "crisis" meaning "to sift". What happens during a crisis is that we sift through everything. Many things funnel out and what rises to the top is what matters and what we should focus on. What has risen to the top during this pandemic is the need for emotional and mental well being. And I'm talking about for ALL. Teachers, families, students. Part of that is trying to dig through the darkness and look for those #brightspots. When you go into the day looking for them, you will find them. When you are in the eye of the storm, it is difficult to see beyond the darkness to the light. So I want to be that mirror to shine your light back to you. I wish you all could just see what I see. You may just miss them, if you aren't looking for them: Did you “hear” from a student that has been silent all year? Do your students share their thoughts and feelings with you? Did a task spark a light in someone? Did someone smile today? Did a student share a book they are reading? Did you get to hear/see inside a student’s head via a technology tool? Did you hear the sound of giggling? Did a student write you a story that wasn’t assigned? Did someone draw you a picture? Did someone say “Thank You” for all of your time and effort? Did you finally see a face that has been hidden? Did a shy student type a response in the chat? THOSE are the things I want you to focus on! THOSE are the #brightspots. Did any of them have to do with academics? Do they have to? Students (and adults) need to feel seen, heard and valued in order to learn and grow. That is hopefully what this crisis has sifted to the top. Last week, I was honored to be able to join a third grade class to watch a play that they were putting on for their families, via Google Meets. This was a teacher that I worked with extensively during the Spring shutdown. She began (and still does) every interaction with me with “I am not tech savvy”. BUT she is doing it! I sat in that “classroom” with a grin from ear to ear. Not only because she was so comfortable and rocking the tech...it was so much more. I joined the class about 15 minutes before the play and here is what I saw. FACES. SMILES. EXCITEMENT. The students told me that they have become better readers from practicing the play (insert fluency practice :). I asked them about what they were reading and they jumped at the chance to show me their independent reading books. This wasn’t about scores, numbers or percentages. The data I gathered in that 15 minutes was that these students felt connected and cared for. They felt comfortable and confident. And the by-product was that, in fact, their reading volume and levels have increased. And I can bet that the teacher wasn’t able to see the success that I witnessed in that short amount of time. I of course let her know, because anyone that knows me knows that this is a quote that I live by: "Butterflies can't see their wings. They can't see how truly beautiful they are, but everyone else can. People are like that too." So I just wanted to tell you all how beautiful you are, because you may not be able to see it for yourself. These are just some of the other #brightspots I have witnessed: - teacher - student connection like never before - a focus on students over curriculum -teachers trying new and innovative ways to interact, connect and teach -teachers collaborating across sites, levels, subjects, schools (the country) -teachers joining optional "co-labs" (non agenda, on-demand PD/Collaboration) -Administrators providing PD during staff meetings -Teachers FULLY engaged in PD AFTER the teaching day -Teachers being agile and willing to #failforward in trying new things -The education community sharing widely and freely via Social Media -Teachers forming groups of support on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter -Kids thriving, students making gains -Educators offering free PD -sharing of ideas, materials, support And the list goes on and on. I can not fathom the frustration, the exhaustion, the heartache you are all going through. But within that, I hope that you see the difference you are making. The #brightspot that is you. My call to action is this: Take this time off to take a breath and reflect. Reflect on only the good. Find those #brightspots because they are there. And share them. Our stories connect us and we need connection now more than ever. Use #brightspots on Twitter and tag me.
Dear Educators,
I have been wanting to write to you since this "new normal" has entered our lives, but I couldn't. Why? Because I was in the mix, trying to figure it all out along with you. Why? Because I honestly didn't know what to say. Why? You are in crisis and survival mode and nothing I could say could ease your burden. But I woke up this morning, compelled to write to you. I have been blessed through my professional role to be a part of a large team that is supporting educators, students and their families. It has been a marathon that seems to never end and a whirlwind that just keeps spinning. BUT the bright spot in all this is you. Why? Because you are doing it. Many of you are doing things that you never thought you would be doing. But you are doing it. Many of you are unsure and uncomfortable. But you are doing it. Many of you are struggling with the fact that you want to do more, but with the current situation, you can't. But you are doing it? Why? Because you are you. And you are an educator. This is what we do. We suit up and we do it. We arm ourselves with knowledge and understanding and are driven by compassion, empathy and love. But I ask only one thing of you my #eduwarriors. PLEASE treat yourself with that same compassion, empathy and love. 90% of those I have supported, begin our time together with the same sentiment. Some form of "I feel so dumb." And every time, it stabs me in the heart. Truly. They go on to apologize for "taking my time" and explain their reasoning, and it just hurts. I let them finish, take a deep breath and try my darnedest to put them at ease. Here is what is going though my mind: "YOU are so brave. You don't know me well, if you know me at all and you have reached out for support. For that fact alone, you are so strong. I know for many, taking that step to ask for help is not easy. So thank you for doing this for yourself, your students and your families." Here is what comes out of my mouth (or some version); "You are not dumb, you are learning. Please do not to apologize for taking my time, this is what we are here for- to support you. This is a lot of new for all of us and we are in this together. We've got you. How can I help?" And then we work together. My goal when I work with educators during this time consists of two things: 1) Bring comfort to their angst. 2) Build their confidence and capacity. Here is the thing about you all. You are doing it, there was never a question that you wouldn't.You have proven that you are willing and capable to put in the hard work to navigate this new world for your students and your families. I believe in your capacity to learn and grow during this time along side of them. I know that you are bringing your best self forward for them. And I trust you as the professional educator that you are. You do not need to be controlled. You do not need to be spoon fed. What you need is to know that we've got you, so that you've got your students. We are here to support you in this new journey and like you, we are learning and growing with you. So, thank you dear educators- for being you. You are doing it! It has been quite awhile since I have written. There is a reason. I have spent the last month or so doing a lot of observing and reflecting. Watching and learning how people operate (including myself) and reconciling if I am living out my truths and staying tethered to my purpose and passion. I have been taking in a lot of input and just haven't been able to translate it into output. About a month ago, I woke up to a message that stopped me in my tracks, literally. I was getting ready for work when I read a message that my friend, John Berray, was hospitalized and in critical condition. This information did not yet compute in my head, but I felt it in my heart. I got in my car for work that morning, made it out of my complex and turned right back around. I went back into my apartment, shut the door, prayed and cried. At that point, it was all I could do. As I spoke with a dear friend, many times that day about the situation, I kept thinking about interactions, messages and conversations I had with Berray over the last few years. My friend was lucky enough to have had a lasting, memorable phone conversation with him, just days before. But for me, I really struggled to remember specifics. And I felt guilt and sadness. But then, I switched my focus- because what I did remember was the essence of who Berray was. I wanted to write about him, but couldn't. All I could do at the time was write the two sentences at the top of this post. "Speak so others will listen. Listen so others will speak."
The outpouring of stories of impact has been no short of incredible, but not surprising. From students to colleagues to acquaintances and life long friends. No matter who wrote or spoke about him, they showed that Berray was the same caring, passionate, humble soul no matter the situation, no matter the interaction, no matter the space. And that is a true testament of character. And for that, it brings a smile.
Some have asked how close I was to Berray, and to me, I don't believe that is even a factor. I have only known him for about 3 years, and we interacted on and off throughout that time. But as I have read and heard the numerous stories, people have talked about the deep loss felt whether you only heard him speak as a presenter, had him as a teacher, only engaged in one conversation or knew him for a lifetime. Again, that speaks to his character and his legacy. How have I coped with this loss? Not too well, but I have thought about the characteristics that come to mind when I think of Berray: integrity, empathy, openness, passion and purpose. And then I try to live those every day. Because I know that if I can try to live the way he did, I am on the right track. My call to action is this: Reflect on your own legacy, while you can. How do you want to be remembered? What truths do you want to live? Then go out and live them, every day. And when you go off track (because reality is, we do) just do a check-in with yourself, pull yourself back and keep moving forward. Also, please remember, you DO have impact, you DO have reach. There is a ripple effect with every interaction and action. What do you want that to be? Anyone that knows me, knows that I am a big leadership nerd. What does that mean? It means I love to read about it, I love to learn about it, I love to talk about it and I love to grow around it. If you know me, you also know how passionate I feel about the fact that everyone is a leader, regardless of their title or their role. With that being said, I believe we are leaders based on our actions and our relationships. It is this last statement that I want to reflect on and write about today.
Over the years, I have gone through many difficult situations that have shown me who people really are at their core. It is during these tough times when people are not able to mask their true intentions and as much as I don't like to label people, I have seen two types of people show through. There are those that lift up others and there are those that push others down as they try to climb their way up. These both take a tremendous amount of energy. Where do you want to spend yours? Now let me give you a frame of reference. We are talking about the realm of education. Education, people. Where the goal is to make learning better for who? For kids. Let's keep this in mind as we dig deeper into the actions of the adults that I write about. The bases: These are the people that are grounded in their "why". They have a solid purpose. In education, it is to always help the students. Everything that they do is tethered back students. These are the people who suit up, stand up and show up for kids. The bases are also the ones that collaborate with others for the greater goal. They take the time to get to know the members of the team. They get to know their strengths and their gaps. They partner members up to balance them out. They encourage and they grow them. They seek to understand and they empathize. They listen AND hear. They are the base so they are relied on to boost up others, to bring others into the fold and carry them. To see the great in others that they can't yet see in themselves. They don't think of themselves rather, they think of the collective and the goals to help students. The climbers: These are the people that are gounded in themselves. Their "why" is to be at the top. Their goal is to climb the hierarchy. They may think that their intent is to do right by the students, but may have lost sight along the way. They have really great people skills and earn others' trust easily... until. They also know people's strengths and weaknesses but use them to their own advantage. They will not hesitate to throw someone under the bus for their own gains. They are jealous of another's success and will try to tarnish one's reputation any chance they can get. Because to them, if someone else looks bad, they will look better. The climbers are manipulative and usually get pretty far up the chain, leaving some pretty good bases behind and broken. Now let me circle back to what I said before. All of this is happening in the realm of education! Where do the children fit into this equation? I just wanted to drop that little nugget there to let it ruminate. So, what can be done? Well, start with reflection. Which one are you and which one do you want to be? For me, I hope, hope, hope that I am a base. I intentionally walk through my day with purpose and intent. I always tether back to my very first "why" six word memoir from 7 years ago "One who inspires and encourages others". If what I am doing or saying does not match up to that, I hope someone would call me out on it so that I can course correct. Integrity is A#1 with me, so I try my best, every day, to be the same person I am, no matter where I am or who I am with. I hope that people know that what I say is what I mean. I am in a new position, in a new district. The people that I work with and serve have absolutely no reason to believe or trust me. They don't know me, they don't know of me. So I am doing my best to earn that trust every day, by doing just that. I have been as authentic and transparent as I can be with them. I have made some mistakes and I have owned them. I have tried my best to follow through with things I have promised them. I do my best to communicate within such a large system. I am my silly, authentic self every time I am with them, even though I represent "The District" as an admin. And I have done my best to empower them as the professionals that they are to make the decisions to best meet the needs of their students. I don't know if they believe me yet, but my message to them has not wavered since day 1 (July 1) and it won't. In the past, this is where I have been tripped up. When others are not walking that same journey of authenticity. When I have been or witnessed someone else be on the receiving end of the climbers. It is so hard for me to wrap my head around someone who acts one way to someone's face but then does something completely different behind their back. I can not control this, I have 0 control of other people's actions or words. I only have control over my actions and my reactions. My Call To Action Is This: No matter your role. You are a leader. Someone is always watching, listening and learning from you, so... Just keep your integrity intact. Let your only reaction in this case be to not react. Just keep showing up as your authentic self. Every. Damn. Day. *Disclaimer: In this post I am going to brag on my kids. Not for the sake of bragging, but to share how they inspire me to be better, every day* But first, a story...
Last year, when my third graders and I were discussing kindness, I spontaneously told a story that I had not thought about in over 30 years. When I was about 10 years old, I was skiing with some family friends. For whatever reason, I was by myself on this particular run. I hopped off of the ski lift and proceeded down the hill. Next thing I know, I am butt down in the snow, with my legs bent and the attached skiis behind me. I wasn't hurt, but I was stuck. I couldn't reach the skiis to release my boots and I couldn't maneuver my legs to their proper position. So all I could do was just sit in the snow and shiver. As I was plopped there in the middle of the slope, numerous skiers swished right on by me. I must've been stuck there for at least a half hour. Every few minutes or so, I would again try to get myself out of the predicament. The interesting thing was, many people on the ski lift would yell down to others, to help me...yet when they passed me by, they didn't. I honestly don't know how I removed myself from the mountain, I just know that I did it on my own. When I told that story to my students, they couldn't believe that no one stopped to help me. It led into a great discussion on helping others that we see in need. How many times have I been just like those people on the ski lift and slopes? How many times have I noticed someone in need or struggle but I just keep going, figuring someone else would step in and help? I took the time to notice, but I didn't take the time to act. Fast forward to yesterday. My daughter, Leslie and I were at the movies. About 10 minutes into the movie, I noticed a woman, with a cane, standing at the stair railing near us. She was breathing extremely heavy and muttering curse words under her breath. She did this for about 5 minutes. I also noticed Leslie watching her instead of the movie. The woman let out a deep disappointing breath and went back down the stairs and left the theater. Leslie turned to me with that sympathetic look and said “Mommy! That woman can’t make it up the stairs to her seat. Do something.” My first response was “What can I do?”. My second was to leave my seat and find the woman. I asked her if she was in need of a seat. She told me that she had a seat, but it was up too far because she has trouble walking. I offered her my seat, but she nicely declined and said she would come back to another show with her son. She told me that she was just exhausted and just needed to sit. I offered her my seat again but she again declined and with a smile, told me to go enjoy my movie. I tell this story, because I am so beyond proud of the kind, courageous and caring soul of my daughter. And how she pushes me to be a better person. I keep replaying this scenario over and over in my head. I am a bit disappointed in myself that it took a nudge from my daughter, to actually do something. If she hadn't done so, neither would I. After the movie, we went to visit my son who works at Sprouts. I always love going there because whenever I hand the checker his name badge (for my discount :) they always have such wonderful things to say about Trevor. It never fails, doesn't matter which checker I go to. My heart just beams for the amazing human that is my son. Yesterday, I did not receive the usual small talk from the cashier...but instead received something more. My son introduced me to one of his co-workers. He was an older gentleman (older than my son). The man proceeded to share a story with me. He said "You have a great kid here. Do you know that he came over to my house last week to help me with my computer? I was having trouble with a PowerPoint that I created." When I looked at my son's face, he just gave me shrug and that look of "Well of course I helped." All I could think was "wow" this kid is so full of kindness. He is taking a full load of college courses and when not in school, he is working. Yet, this kid (who by the way is no longer a kid), my kid, carved out time to help this man- just for the sake of helping. These two stories of kindness have caused me to do a lot of reflection. They have inspired me to be more bold in helping others. To act rather than just take note. Kind of crazy to think that these two "Gen Z" kids are constantly teaching their old mom a thing or two about being a good human. My call to action is this: When you notice someone in struggle, after you ask yourself "Well, what can I do?"- Do something. It will make a difference in that person and you. I am blessed to have two amazing humans that call me mom. Both of my children have beautiful hearts and souls and intelligent minds. But for my daughter, reading and writing have always been a struggle and something that she does not enjoy. When she was in fourth grade, I saw a glimmer of hope in her eyes. Her teacher provided the class with some choices to share their independent reading with the class. One of the choices was for students to write blog posts about their reading, that would be published and shared. My daughter came home so excited...she actually read! She jumped on the computer and carefully typed out her blog post. She shared it with me and I was so delighted that she actually read AND wrote. Her content was pretty good, especially for her first time, but she did have many spelling, grammar and punctuation errors. I can't remember if I had her fix a few or just praised her ideas and watched as she pressed submit.
On the drive to school, she couldn't stop talking about her blog post and that she couldn't wait for her classmates to read it and respond. Well... according to her, upon entering class, there was a big yellow Post-it staring at her full of all the edits that she had to fix before her teacher would publish her work. All I know is that she never chose the option to write a blog again. She was crushed. My daughter is now 15 1/2 and a sophomore in high school and I still tell this story often. I don't blame the teacher. I am sure that her intent wasn't to knock down my daughter's confidence. I am sure she didn't realize the impact of that one Post-it. But it wasn't until I told this story yesterday, that I realized that I could have interrupted and maybe changed the ending of the story. You see, yesterday my team and I completed the last day of training over 2,000 teachers over the last four months. In this last round we provided professional development for all of our TK-6 grade teachers in Writing. As teachers complete the sign in form, we ask them to tell us what their expectations are for the day. I quickly look through the responses, find the commonalities and write them up front so that we make sure to address their needs. On this particular day, someone wrote "I would like to know why the district has made the decision to do things to make our hard jobs even more difficult." I specifically pulled this one because I know this sentiment is shared by many of our teachers and I wanted to try to explain the "why" shifts in writing were made. When I read that response, there were "oohs" from the rest of the participants, which I took as "YES, tell us why". So I explained that the decision was grounded in the ELA/ELD Framework, the Standards and district writing data. My team member added some extra historical context (as I am new to the position and wasn't around when the decisions were made). I assured them that the intent was NOT to make their jobs harder and that hopefully after today's PD they will feel more comfortable and at ease. And then we continued. Right before lunch, a teacher asked if she could talk to me. We went outside and began walking. She introduced herself (We have 29 elementary schools and I am still learning who is who). She started talking about the story that I told about my daughter's 4th grade experience with the Post-it. She then told me that she was the one who asked "Why is the district making their jobs more difficult". She then explained me why she was connecting that to my daughter's story. She shared that as soon as I read her statement, she completely shut down for the rest of the morning. Whoa. That caused me struggle to catch my breath and my eyes began to tear. She began to explain why she asked the question and how when she heard others say "oooh", she felt shamed that she had asked her question. This exchange humbled me like no other. I needed to reconcile this situation. She then began apologizing for bringing this to my attention because I was an administrator... - and I stopped her right there. I first thanked her for her courage in coming to talk to me about this. For most in that room, this was the first face to face I have had with them and I was disappointed that I came off in a way that was opposite from my intent. I explained to her that the reason I read that statement was because I empathized with it. I was in the classroom last year and we often have things done TO us - with no explanation. My intent was to honestly answer her question, to explain why the shift was being made AND to explain that we know it is a difficult shift and that we are trying to go through this journey with understanding and grace. She explained that she had hoped that was the intent, but again, she doesn't know me. She felt that she had to come talk to me based on the story that I told about my daughter. She also said that she understood I was new and didn't want our first interaction to be a negative one. *It wasn't until today that I realized that since we collected those statements with the sign ins, I could have potentially looked to see who wrote each statement. That idea never even crossed my mind, but it must have crossed hers.* We actually had a really great conversation that ended in a hug and a whole lot of understanding. This conversation has changed me. There were three huge takeaways from that 10 minute conversation: 1) I have been in awe in the courage of these educators in my new district. There have been many times where they have reached out to ask questions to clarify something I have said or written and MANY times found mistakes for me that needed to be fixed. Every time, I share how thankful I am for contacting me. These acts have given me the courage that I didn't have, do do the same. It also caused me to reflect on the fact that I should have said something to my daughter's 4th grade teacher. It could have made a difference ,for my daughter in particular, but maybe could've made a shift in the teacher as well. 2) I need to consider and voice my intent, more so now that I am in this position. I always try to think about what I say before I say it, and consider the audience, but I never know for sure how my words will land. Until someone shares that with me. I am still a huge unknown to the people in which I serve and I can not assume that they know my heart or my reasoning. I have spent many hours reflecting on this one situation and am committed to make this shift. 3) When something doesn't sit right, my norm is to believe that there is always good intent. Because of this, I usually just ignore and move on. But now I am also committed to respectfully, and privately interrupt. Now that I have been on both sides of this situation, I feel I owe it to others and myself, the same opportunity for understanding and reflection. Our district has spent time this year working with Epoch Education on Cultural Proficiency. One of the protocols that we have learned is the RIR Protocol: Recognize it, Interrupt it, Repair it. It is a protocol to use when working through something that causes some sort of emotion within you. Once you have recognized an emotion has been triggered, you interrupt it by asking questions or having conversations to seek to repair it. Through this one teacher's courage to recognize her feelings and interrupt by talking with me, a lot of reflection and repair has occurred. And I am pretty sure that she has not learned this protocol yet, she modeled it beautifully for me. And I am not going to lie, up until that moment, I was incredibly uncomfortable with that protocol because I had not experienced it. My call to action is this: If you find yourself wrestling with something someone says or does. Do something...respectfully "interrupt" it. Have the courage to ask for a conversation of clarity. It could prove to be beneficial to both parties. And if you find yourself on the receiving end of such conversations, show up with an open mind, empathetic heart and a whole lot of humility and grace. |
Mother, Teacher, Administrator, Presenter, GCE Level 1 & 2, Encourager of others.
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February 2023
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