Thanksgiving 2017 - I remember exactly where I was and exactly what I was doing on this day, just one year ago. I know where I was emotionally, intellectually and physically. And none of it was pretty. None. But guess what folks? Live isn't pretty. Life is messy. Life is complicated and complex. Life has plot twists. Disappointments. Frustrations. Heart break. Heart ache. Triumphs. Successes. Celebrations. But most importantly, it has blessings. Today should not be the only day that we reflect and count those blessings, to tell others that we are thankful for them. We should be doing it...every...damn...day.
For me, this last year has not been an easy one. There was a lot of transition, a lot of change. Some were of my choice and some were not so much. In the last year, I had to adjust to a whole new life. New family circumstances, new living situation, new job, new job environment, new financial and day to day responsibilities. Basically, a whole new life- and that messed with my head and it messed with my heart. Why am I sharing this? Because we all go through our shi*...we are all going through our shi*- because that is what we must do to learn, grow and live. We go through it. About a month ago, I was out to dinner and someone looked at me and said "Cori, you don't seem your usual happy self and that makes me sad. I always count on you to my my positive person." It was that last sentence that had me spinning. At that moment, I couldn't be anyone's anything. I couldn't shoulder that responsibility. I had to make a choice - was I going to be a "positive, happy go lucky impostor" or was I going to be me? I always have to be me- you always have to be you. It's just too difficult to be anyone else. Authenticity matters, but authenticity is hard. I think some people just don't know what to do with it. I have been blessed with people in my life. All the people. The ones that show up. The ones that support. The ones that leave and the ones that stay. The ones that frustrate me. The ones I frustrate. The ones that push me. The ones that swerve in and out and the ones who are a steady presence. The ones who challenge me, the ones who hurt me, the ones who love me and the ones who care about me. They are ALL a blessing. And for them, on this Thanksgiving- I say "THANKS". I am also thankful for the painful bumps. Glennon Doyle says "Pain is a traveling professor." and that is how I try to look at it. What is the learning that I can take from this situation? How can I use this to become stronger, healthier, smarter, more empathetic, sympathetic? How can I use what I have learned to help others in their path? Can I? When really I look back, focus and reflect- I really do see the good, the positive, the blessings. There is so much tragedy and heartbreak around us- more so now than ever, especially locally. My little "growing pains" are nothing. So it's time to flip the switch- move from a deficit model of thinking to an abundance model. What DO I have? I have a roof over my head, I have a job, I have my health, I have my family (including two INCREDIBLE kids), I have my friends and I have the resources to put food on the table and provide for my little family of three, the best I can. My call to action is this: Reflect and be thankful today and every day. Look for the bright spots, sometimes they are hidden- but they are there. Share your thanks for others- they need to hear it, and you need to say it. Happy Thanksgiving, All!
2 Comments
I'm not going to lie, this past few months, going back into the classroom have been HARD. Hard...hard...hard. But hard things aren't bad, they are what makes us who we are and for that we must be thankful. My class has been working so hard, in so many areas and they have come so far. Sometimes we don't see clearly, when we are in the moment, and creating some space to reflect is necessary. I woke up this Sunday morning, with a thankful smile on my face. I began reflecting on the last week before break and beyond that, the past few months... and I had to share. It was too much to write and I don't think the emotion would have shown through my fingers. So I took a risk... a BIG risk for me. I decided to create a series of short videos to chronicle the journey... breathe... it's not about me... it's about sharing our stories, celebrating our kids and shining on the bright spots. I will not be watching these, but if you do- hopefully you can find one thing that resonates, encourages or inspires you as we finish up this calendar year. I have sat down and written this post three times in the last two days. When I come to the end, I just can't push publish. Why? Because what came out of my fingers was not aligned with my purpose for writing. When I read back at what I wrote, it was more of a "Dear Diary" of my complaints. Of plot twists and frustration in my classroom during one day- but more so, it was the inner dialogue that I am ashamed that was in my head. My friend, Alice Keeler, happened to be the "lucky" recipient of some of those thoughts, on this particular day. And these were her words: "These are not "Cori" statements, you are becoming the "grouchy teacher". Oh crap! She was right. Time to wake up! So the purpose here is not to talk about all of the things that went wrong, all of the inner and outer blaming I did. We all have "not so good" days. We are human and we need to be ok with being human. I often say that perfection is fiction, it's impossible. I also say that reflection on our fails and struggle are an important part of our growth journey...so here it is: “Please don’t give up on my son, too, Ms. Orlando.” - were the words I heard, this past Monday. Those were the words that I NEEDED to hear, for a much required “wake up call”. Those are the words that have bounced around both my head and my heart for the last seven days. Those are the words that I will NEVER forget, because those words are life altering. Heart-break. It was only a few short months ago, when this same parent spoke with me after school and shared some other words, that will also stick with me forever. “Thank you for the way that you treat my son. He has always believed that he was “bad” or “in trouble” for the way he acts. Thank you for focusing on the positive.”. Heart-break. Same kid, two different heart-breaks. What gives? What gives is...me. I am human and I am imperfect. I fall...I fail...I have bad days- just like you. I am choosing to be vulnerable and share my truths here, because I believe that we learn from these defining moments, ourselves- but I also believe in the power of stories and sharing. I believe that these stories- the “non-Pollyanna” stories are what connect us. So my hope is that my reflection, may help others to reflect and grow as well. Here it is... Monday was a tough teacher day. It doesn't matter what happened. It doesn't matter why. It doesn't matter who. None of that matters. It happens...to all of us. What matters was how I handled the day and it wasn't stellar. In fact, it was down right shameful, in my book. I didn't loose my cool. I didn't raise my voice. Neither are my style. But what I did do, was let each "bump" pile up onto the next and the next until I was faced with a mountain that I just couldn't climb that day. And I caved. I knew we, as a class, needed a restart- but I needed some time to think it through. So I gave my kids a Social Studies "newspaper" that I knew was well beyond most of their reading. I knew that the content was crap (there was an article about Palo Alto- no offense to Palo Alto, but I don't know what the purpose or learning was for my kids). There was a cross-word puzzle on the back...a CROSSWORD PUZZLE! It hurt. But unfortunately, I did it anyway. I could only let this go on for about 10 minutes. I changed it up and got them on the digital version where they could at least listen to it (for those that couldn't read), there were also videos and other "golden eggs". My directions "click around and be prepared to share three things you learned about the site." That felt a bit better, but still not good. Regardless- my learning here and when reading through my other versions of this story- I made it about me. Me...me...me. And that is unacceptable. I literally just said in my CUE Boom (I start around 18:50) a few weeks ago: "We need to be brutally humble practitioners of self reflection in order to grow. For me, that means taking myself out of the equation. This education gig isn't about me, it's about the kids" (Thank you FB closed captioning- (see below)- no running away from my own words allowed). But it was when the parent looked at me, with tears building and pleaded with me to not "give up on her son" I just crumbled. I let me frustration of the day show through, I didn't keep it tucked in. I reassured her that I would never give up on her son. I admitted he had many struggles that day. That I had struggles that day. That as a class, we had struggles that day. But I also told her that struggle is part of life and tomorrow is a new day and we will figure it out together.
I NEVER want someone to have to question my commitment to them or their child, again. So my purpose in sharing is this... We are all going to get frustrated, we are all going to fall down, we are all going to react and act...we are all human and must treat ourselves and others as such. I apologize to my students often. And then I talk them through my reflection and #failforward process. I think that is important for them, and it's important for me. My call to action is this: - Be kind to yourself - If you fail - #failforward, #reflectforward, #learnforward, #growforward and #shareforward - Reflect and then hit "re-start" - Put kids at the heart of all you do - put them in front of you - When in doubt, just teach your ass off and love on kids You often wonder, "Does what I'm doing, matter?". And the answer should always be, unequivocally- "YES." Yet it is still a question that runs through our minds, sometimes daily...sometimes more. And my response is, if you live your life through your purpose and you live it out with integrity- what you do matters and beyond that, it matters positively. What is it that I want my kids to know, without a doubt? And by kids I mean my own children and my students. These are the things that I want to instill in them and these are the things I want them to know for certain: Dear Children, You are amazing and you are loved. You each have special talents and you each have special skills. But beyond that, you each have a golden heart and a beautiful soul. Stay connected to those. If you tether everything back to those things, you never have a need to doubt yourself. Use your gifts and talents to help others, to grow yourself and beyond. Radiate the light within you and bring others into that light. Encourage and embrace differences. Include others in all you do. And ignore the chatter. Ignore those who try to deter you and the good work you do. There will always be those who will try to block your path. Do not allow them. Either bring them in or walk around them. Love those who aren't blessed enough to realize their own gifts to the world. Be kind to those that try to turn you around in your journey or knock you down from your climb. Be strong in knowing that YOU are good enough. That YOU are strong enough. That YOU can and are making a difference and stay that course. You will hit brick walls, you will come across detours, you will cross many bridges...but YOU stay YOU and you keep pushing forward. You have a purpose. Find it. Go after it. Live it. Grow it. Share it. Be grounded in knowing that I believe in you, I am proud of you and you need to believe that in yourself. Look for the good in others. Be an influencer. Be a changer. Be a lover and encourager of others. Use your gifts and your knowledge to propel yourself and others forward. You are a leader, whether you realize it or not. Someone is always watching, listening, learning and emulating. What is it that you want them to witness? Stay strong in your convictions and lead from you heart, but listen to your mind. Do good. Bring joy. Live life. Love, Me |
Mother, Teacher, Presenter, GCE Level 1 & 2, Encourager of others.
Archives
March 2019
|