*Disclaimer: In this post I am going to brag on my kids. Not for the sake of bragging, but to share how they inspire me to be better, every day* But first, a story...
Last year, when my third graders and I were discussing kindness, I spontaneously told a story that I had not thought about in over 30 years. When I was about 10 years old, I was skiing with some family friends. For whatever reason, I was by myself on this particular run. I hopped off of the ski lift and proceeded down the hill. Next thing I know, I am butt down in the snow, with my legs bent and the attached skiis behind me. I wasn't hurt, but I was stuck. I couldn't reach the skiis to release my boots and I couldn't maneuver my legs to their proper position. So all I could do was just sit in the snow and shiver. As I was plopped there in the middle of the slope, numerous skiers swished right on by me. I must've been stuck there for at least a half hour. Every few minutes or so, I would again try to get myself out of the predicament. The interesting thing was, many people on the ski lift would yell down to others, to help me...yet when they passed me by, they didn't. I honestly don't know how I removed myself from the mountain, I just know that I did it on my own. When I told that story to my students, they couldn't believe that no one stopped to help me. It led into a great discussion on helping others that we see in need. How many times have I been just like those people on the ski lift and slopes? How many times have I noticed someone in need or struggle but I just keep going, figuring someone else would step in and help? I took the time to notice, but I didn't take the time to act. Fast forward to yesterday. My daughter, Leslie and I were at the movies. About 10 minutes into the movie, I noticed a woman, with a cane, standing at the stair railing near us. She was breathing extremely heavy and muttering curse words under her breath. She did this for about 5 minutes. I also noticed Leslie watching her instead of the movie. The woman let out a deep disappointing breath and went back down the stairs and left the theater. Leslie turned to me with that sympathetic look and said “Mommy! That woman can’t make it up the stairs to her seat. Do something.” My first response was “What can I do?”. My second was to leave my seat and find the woman. I asked her if she was in need of a seat. She told me that she had a seat, but it was up too far because she has trouble walking. I offered her my seat, but she nicely declined and said she would come back to another show with her son. She told me that she was just exhausted and just needed to sit. I offered her my seat again but she again declined and with a smile, told me to go enjoy my movie. I tell this story, because I am so beyond proud of the kind, courageous and caring soul of my daughter. And how she pushes me to be a better person. I keep replaying this scenario over and over in my head. I am a bit disappointed in myself that it took a nudge from my daughter, to actually do something. If she hadn't done so, neither would I. After the movie, we went to visit my son who works at Sprouts. I always love going there because whenever I hand the checker his name badge (for my discount :) they always have such wonderful things to say about Trevor. It never fails, doesn't matter which checker I go to. My heart just beams for the amazing human that is my son. Yesterday, I did not receive the usual small talk from the cashier...but instead received something more. My son introduced me to one of his co-workers. He was an older gentleman (older than my son). The man proceeded to share a story with me. He said "You have a great kid here. Do you know that he came over to my house last week to help me with my computer? I was having trouble with a PowerPoint that I created." When I looked at my son's face, he just gave me shrug and that look of "Well of course I helped." All I could think was "wow" this kid is so full of kindness. He is taking a full load of college courses and when not in school, he is working. Yet, this kid (who by the way is no longer a kid), my kid, carved out time to help this man- just for the sake of helping. These two stories of kindness have caused me to do a lot of reflection. They have inspired me to be more bold in helping others. To act rather than just take note. Kind of crazy to think that these two "Gen Z" kids are constantly teaching their old mom a thing or two about being a good human. My call to action is this: When you notice someone in struggle, after you ask yourself "Well, what can I do?"- Do something. It will make a difference in that person and you.
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I am blessed to have two amazing humans that call me mom. Both of my children have beautiful hearts and souls and intelligent minds. But for my daughter, reading and writing have always been a struggle and something that she does not enjoy. When she was in fourth grade, I saw a glimmer of hope in her eyes. Her teacher provided the class with some choices to share their independent reading with the class. One of the choices was for students to write blog posts about their reading, that would be published and shared. My daughter came home so excited...she actually read! She jumped on the computer and carefully typed out her blog post. She shared it with me and I was so delighted that she actually read AND wrote. Her content was pretty good, especially for her first time, but she did have many spelling, grammar and punctuation errors. I can't remember if I had her fix a few or just praised her ideas and watched as she pressed submit.
On the drive to school, she couldn't stop talking about her blog post and that she couldn't wait for her classmates to read it and respond. Well... according to her, upon entering class, there was a big yellow Post-it staring at her full of all the edits that she had to fix before her teacher would publish her work. All I know is that she never chose the option to write a blog again. She was crushed. My daughter is now 15 1/2 and a sophomore in high school and I still tell this story often. I don't blame the teacher. I am sure that her intent wasn't to knock down my daughter's confidence. I am sure she didn't realize the impact of that one Post-it. But it wasn't until I told this story yesterday, that I realized that I could have interrupted and maybe changed the ending of the story. You see, yesterday my team and I completed the last day of training over 2,000 teachers over the last four months. In this last round we provided professional development for all of our TK-6 grade teachers in Writing. As teachers complete the sign in form, we ask them to tell us what their expectations are for the day. I quickly look through the responses, find the commonalities and write them up front so that we make sure to address their needs. On this particular day, someone wrote "I would like to know why the district has made the decision to do things to make our hard jobs even more difficult." I specifically pulled this one because I know this sentiment is shared by many of our teachers and I wanted to try to explain the "why" shifts in writing were made. When I read that response, there were "oohs" from the rest of the participants, which I took as "YES, tell us why". So I explained that the decision was grounded in the ELA/ELD Framework, the Standards and district writing data. My team member added some extra historical context (as I am new to the position and wasn't around when the decisions were made). I assured them that the intent was NOT to make their jobs harder and that hopefully after today's PD they will feel more comfortable and at ease. And then we continued. Right before lunch, a teacher asked if she could talk to me. We went outside and began walking. She introduced herself (We have 29 elementary schools and I am still learning who is who). She started talking about the story that I told about my daughter's 4th grade experience with the Post-it. She then told me that she was the one who asked "Why is the district making their jobs more difficult". She then explained me why she was connecting that to my daughter's story. She shared that as soon as I read her statement, she completely shut down for the rest of the morning. Whoa. That caused me struggle to catch my breath and my eyes began to tear. She began to explain why she asked the question and how when she heard others say "oooh", she felt shamed that she had asked her question. This exchange humbled me like no other. I needed to reconcile this situation. She then began apologizing for bringing this to my attention because I was an administrator... - and I stopped her right there. I first thanked her for her courage in coming to talk to me about this. For most in that room, this was the first face to face I have had with them and I was disappointed that I came off in a way that was opposite from my intent. I explained to her that the reason I read that statement was because I empathized with it. I was in the classroom last year and we often have things done TO us - with no explanation. My intent was to honestly answer her question, to explain why the shift was being made AND to explain that we know it is a difficult shift and that we are trying to go through this journey with understanding and grace. She explained that she had hoped that was the intent, but again, she doesn't know me. She felt that she had to come talk to me based on the story that I told about my daughter. She also said that she understood I was new and didn't want our first interaction to be a negative one. *It wasn't until today that I realized that since we collected those statements with the sign ins, I could have potentially looked to see who wrote each statement. That idea never even crossed my mind, but it must have crossed hers.* We actually had a really great conversation that ended in a hug and a whole lot of understanding. This conversation has changed me. There were three huge takeaways from that 10 minute conversation: 1) I have been in awe in the courage of these educators in my new district. There have been many times where they have reached out to ask questions to clarify something I have said or written and MANY times found mistakes for me that needed to be fixed. Every time, I share how thankful I am for contacting me. These acts have given me the courage that I didn't have, do do the same. It also caused me to reflect on the fact that I should have said something to my daughter's 4th grade teacher. It could have made a difference ,for my daughter in particular, but maybe could've made a shift in the teacher as well. 2) I need to consider and voice my intent, more so now that I am in this position. I always try to think about what I say before I say it, and consider the audience, but I never know for sure how my words will land. Until someone shares that with me. I am still a huge unknown to the people in which I serve and I can not assume that they know my heart or my reasoning. I have spent many hours reflecting on this one situation and am committed to make this shift. 3) When something doesn't sit right, my norm is to believe that there is always good intent. Because of this, I usually just ignore and move on. But now I am also committed to respectfully, and privately interrupt. Now that I have been on both sides of this situation, I feel I owe it to others and myself, the same opportunity for understanding and reflection. Our district has spent time this year working with Epoch Education on Cultural Proficiency. One of the protocols that we have learned is the RIR Protocol: Recognize it, Interrupt it, Repair it. It is a protocol to use when working through something that causes some sort of emotion within you. Once you have recognized an emotion has been triggered, you interrupt it by asking questions or having conversations to seek to repair it. Through this one teacher's courage to recognize her feelings and interrupt by talking with me, a lot of reflection and repair has occurred. And I am pretty sure that she has not learned this protocol yet, she modeled it beautifully for me. And I am not going to lie, up until that moment, I was incredibly uncomfortable with that protocol because I had not experienced it. My call to action is this: If you find yourself wrestling with something someone says or does. Do something...respectfully "interrupt" it. Have the courage to ask for a conversation of clarity. It could prove to be beneficial to both parties. And if you find yourself on the receiving end of such conversations, show up with an open mind, empathetic heart and a whole lot of humility and grace. |
Mother, Teacher, Administrator, Presenter, GCE Level 1 & 2, Encourager of others.
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February 2023
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