FEAR: For the purposes of this post, I am speaking of the fear that seems to be self induced. That fear that one feels that limits experiences, relationships and growth. I have experienced and witnessed many types of these paralyzing fears, here are a few:
Fear of failure
Fear of humiliation/judgement/rejection
Fear of the unknown
Fear of losing control
Fear of not being good enough
Any one or a combination can hold you back from a lot of great. You have to make a conscious effort to fight against it, fight through it, to get to that great.
When I reflect on that list of fears, they all seem to have an underlying theme. Worth and value. If we do not feel that we are worthy, that we are valued...these fears set in. Or is it we feel unworthy and undervalued because of these fears? Which comes first? Does it matter? I think it is a continuous cycle that will feeds itself until something breaks it. A breakthrough.
THE BREAK THROUGH:
I think the first part of a break through is acknowledgment. What has it's grip on you? Once you have that figured out, it is time to break that grip.
How do you break through the fear? The only way I have learned to do this, is to quiet the noise and just jump. Just go for it and understand that you will be alright! I have learned that it is better to go ahead and try something without a net, then to stand on the edge, frozen. There could be so many missed experiences, so many lost opportunities for growth. Everyone has their "thing(s)" that are holding them back. The hope is that one can breakthrough whatever it is, to reap the rewards on the other side.
Here is what it looks like for me:
-I have learned to not worry about failure, because it is going to happen, whether I want it to or not, so why let it limit me? Lean into that discomfort, roll with the punches and keep moving forward. Take learning from it and move on. Fail forward!
-As far as humiliation, judgement or rejection...luckily, I have moved to a place where those things aren't even on my radar anymore. I used to live in that space. I was always worried about what others thought, how I came across. I'm a recovering "people pleaser". I have learned through life; that I can only control myself. I can not control how others act or feel. So, as long as I stay true to me; I'm good. If you know your purpose and that is what drives you, don't worry about other's reaction. I heard this on the radio, the other day: "For every good intention, there will be equal opposition." It's Newton's Law. What we have to do is know our intention, believe in ourselves, be authentic and just move forward. And the biggest piece of advice: Don't take yourself too seriously. Make sure you can find humor in yourself or your situations...you just have to!
-I have never really had a fear of the unknown nor losing control. I welcome the chaos, I live in the chaos. A "controlled chaos" at times. I do know many people for whom this is their kryptonite. My only suggestion is just dip your toe in the water. Try one tiny thing out of your comfort zone. See what happens. If you need a life vest, enlist a support person. Someone you can count on, someone you trust that can encourage you and lift you up. After your dip, you can choose to either recoil or spring forward. The hope is that it is the latter.
-The one that I get hung up on is the last one: Not being good enough. This is MY kryptonite. My antidote to this is, is to flip the switch and make sure others are aware of THEIR worth and THEIR value. I think it is unfair for someone to go through the day without knowing how much they are needed, wanted, appreciated. People are so busy, leading complicated lives, that this often gets lost in the shuffle. Since this is where I get stuck, this is where I focus a lot of my energy with others.
Value- That last one leads right into value or the feeling of not being valued. I have learned that when one does not feel valued, they cease to try, to grow, to move. Often times, people are not shown or told that they are appreciated, valued, worthy. So, we have to believe this in ourselves. Dig deep and find it...it's a game changer.
The opposite is true when one does feel that they are worthy. When someone knows that what they say or do matters, they will continue to contribute, to move forward.
WE are ALL worthy and WE ALL have value. It is important to remember that, even if it is not told or shown to us. WE all have something to contribute and we all have areas in which to shine. The important thing is to just keep going, break through, because there is worth and value in all that you do.
What is holding you back? Is it time for your breakthrough? You owe it to yourself and those around you, to be the best version of yourself.
Mother, teacher, TOSA, GCE Level 1 & 2, Encourager of others.
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