New job, new school, new co-workers, new grade, new life- still wrapping my head around it all and so much more...but 8 am- the bell rings and it's on. What has happened over the last 9 school days has been an utter whirlwind and more learning on my part than the students. For me, it has been the school of "#failforward" moments. You hear that when you leave the classroom, you become disconnected. I knew this and I felt this and I really, really tried my hardest to be in on the ground floor as much as possible. But it's not the same. AT ALL. I tried to be empathetic to those in which I served, but this is a HUGE #knowbetterdobetter moment. I apologize to ANY teacher to whom I may have said the wrong things, assumed incorrectly or offended in my hopes to support you over the last four years. I believe this is one of the main reasons that I am back in the classroom- this was a lesson that I needed to learn.
On day 1, I was just proud that I remembered to put in the attendance (BUT there were three days I didn't). I was happy to see 28 adorable 7 and 8 year olds- knowing we would soon be family. Things were rolling- but definitely bumpy. *One of my students tried to color our Board Member's Suit (thank goodness he authentically laughed it off). Somehow, we made it to lunch! I looked at the white board where I wrote down the bell schedule (for myself) and we were right on track. We walk out and all of my students start grumbling. They are looking at the first and second graders eating on the lawn and are trying to convince me that this was NOT their lunch time. Well- I didn't have the schedule electronically, so we turned around and went back in the classroom. I searched through my emails for the schedule that was sent to me- Phew- I did have the correct time. They just aren't used to it as we are the only third grade class- it was changed. So- I apologized for second guessing and making them a tad late for lunch. We talked about #failforward (quickly) and we headed out to lunch. I heard "It's ok, Ms. Orlando- you are a new teacher.". And just like that- he was right. Although I had taught 14 years- these four years out of the classroom have reverted me back to a new teacher. This is a "reset"- and this is difficult. I feel like I am armed with so much more than before, yet I also feel like I somewhat knew what I was doing before. But today- after 9 days with my third grades- I am as wobbly and unsure as ever. My ideas and philosophies on education are being challenged daily, by me. What I know now, after spending this time with my class- I went too far, too fast. Think about it: -They have been out of school for a few months -This is the first time they have all been together (as I am the only third grade) -They are only 7/8/9 year olds -They have NEVER seen me before- that's scary -From their feedback (both observational and actual) I am doing things differently than they are used to- scary -I don't have a "punishment/consequence" system (purposefully)- they are having to make hard choices -We have ONE rule (thank you Jon Corippo) - and it has been working! And my personality, I have learned, is to just "cannon ball in" like my friend Tara Martin says. But that is not fair to these kiddos. That is a lot of shock to their system. Within all of this, I am having this terrible inner struggle with the fact that I present on all of these different pedagogical ideas, culture building strategies and even administrative concepts but I feel I am failing with my own students. THEN- I struggle with the fact that I also "preach" #riskforward and #failforward. THAT is why I haven't written. THAT is why I have been more quiet. THAT is why I have done a ton of introspection and I keep coming back to the same thing. It's not about me...it can't be about me...it is about the kids...always. And it's about finding those small wins. It's about connecting to the boys that gave you the biggest run for your money on week 1. It is the random hug and thank you from these guys that act so "cool" in front of their peers. It's the look of "I CAN do it" when you hand a student some counters and show how to make different equations for the same number. It's the student who comes running back in, after school is out- to ask if he can take one of your books home. THESE are the things I need to reflect on. THESE are the things to hold on to. THESE are the things to build up from. I talk all about #cultureovercurriculum and I am need to stay true to it. So this weekend is a time to reflect, reconsider, replan and reset. These kiddos deserve the best of me and I can't in my heart bring anything less.
4 Comments
Dianne
8/25/2018 09:58:19 am
Well written as always. Even when you have been in the classroom for years this is a good reimnder for the beginning of the year. They’re students who know nothing of you and the new year they are about to embark on. It has to be about them. Thanks for sharing.
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Kris
8/25/2018 11:22:35 am
These past 8 days you truly experienced the struggle that we are always talking about. The struggle that is important to learning. not only have you pushed those kiddos out of their comfort zones- but you out of yours. I find that so many of my students come from a much more teacher directed structure, so coming into my class feels so different. They are unsure of what they are supposed to do and how. I go so slow this first month, really focusing on developing our sense of family and classroom routines. Keep it up friend- you're doing great!
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Julie
8/26/2018 12:41:32 pm
Great insight Cori! I can’t wait to see the amazing things you do this year with your students. Change is hard but things always seem to have a way of working out for good. You are an amazing educator and leader, that will only be amplified as a classroom teacher. Fail forward and lead the way!!
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Ann
9/8/2018 10:01:11 am
Always love a post from you... you always challenge me to think. Proud of you for genuinely sharing and failing forward... 💕
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Mother, Teacher, Presenter, GCE Level 1 & 2, Encourager of others.
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