I have been wrestling with this post for days. I knew I needed to write it, I just wasn't sure how or what it would look like. But over the last few days, I have had this reoccurring picture in my mind. It was that of broken windows. I grappled with this idea, trying to figure out the meaning. I am writing this today, to help me work through this process...let's see what happens.
So, how does this relate to broken windows? Well, I often speak about looking for the bright spots, the light when things are dark. Windows were created for that exact purpose...to shine light. But what happens when a window becomes broken? There are three options right? Leave it, replace it or cover it. Well, if you leave it...the light that is let in has a much stronger effect, no filter. If we replace it, everything goes back, just the way it was. If we cover it, the light is just blocked and basically disappears.
Now...rather than us talking about windows, let us talk about US. Throughout all of our lives, there have been incidents that have changed our light...that have altered our shine. You know what I'm talking about...they are vivid and they are real. We all have these broken windows...all of us. That is part of being human. When a piece of you is broken...it hurts, it cuts, it crumbles. But as my good friend Jon Corippo said in that same session "Pain is mandatory, misery is optional". So what do we do with our personal broken windows?
If I were asked that question about a year ago...I would say COVER IT UP! No one wants to see it, know one wants to hear it, know one wants to know it...no one wants to deal with it...especially me. But if we continue to cover up the light, our light will eventually get lost. I've tried to go dark...it doesn't wear well on me. For me, this one is no longer an option.
In this metaphor, if I simply replace it and ignore it...there is no chance for learning and growth. "Nothing happened here, keep on moving...nothing to see." And for me, that is a missed opportunity to create some great.
So...what am I left with? Leave it. Just leave it and live with it. Why? Because it is a part of me. Like I stated above...everything we have done up to now, was in preparation. But to think about walking around with broken parts...it just seems painful and depressing...and it is. Unless.
Unless we choose to look from a different perspective. When we become broken, we also become vulnerable...and although vulnerable is scary, vulnerable is good. It is in our vulnerable times that our windows are cracked open, ready to receive something different.
Here is what I have learned over the last few days. Even though only a part of me showed up to the table - a much better, more complete me left it.
Let me explain without explaining:
I have been looking forward to presenting and attending the Leadership 3.0 conference since I left last year's. It was by far one of my favorite conferences. This year I was so excited to actually be on the other side of the room. I was blessed with co-presenting a different session (with different co-presenters) each of the three days. But as I was actually packing for the trip the night before...I picked up my phone many times to send messages to my various co-presenters to let them know I wouldn't be joining them. They didn't need to know why, they just needed to know. My windows were broken and jagged and I was just raw. But one thing about me - my integrity means everything to me...and that means always showing up, always being real and always keeping my word. So those texts were never sent. And THANK GOODNESS!
I needed to go. I needed to put my mind and energy into sharing my passions with the educational leaders there. I needed to talk about "walking your why" and sticking to your purpose. I needed to share my voice, in my why, "making school better for kids". I needed to challenge thinking to remind us to focus on the end users in this education game...the students. I needed to not only share it out but I needed it for me. With every presentation and conversation, something began to happen with those broken windows. The light began to shine through...and eventually it was brighter than before...no filter.
On the flip side, due to the incidents that were thrown at my windows, I struggled to be fully present. I think I would be generous by saying I was half present. This upset me even more, because I let it hinder my experience. I knew there was so much learning and inspiration to be had, that I lost out on. BUT...
I am still in awe of the amazing experiences and incredible people that I just left. Being surrounded by positive, supportive, genuine people- wow- all the difference in the world. People didn't care that I wasn't a "leader", an administrator. They didn't treat me any different, when they looked at what was typed on my name tag. In fact, it appeared they were actually listening to what I had to say...this was kind of new...And to me, that was eye opening! I still haven’t wrapped my head around it. The openness and kind words of the participants in our sessions were amazing. The "after party" conversations...incredible. The "post-conference" reflections I have seen...unbelievable. I want this light that is now shining through my cracks, to inspire and encourage others. I want to share this forward! THAT was my original "why" four years ago...and I am so thankful that I was reminded of that this week.
So now I realize...broken doesn't mean bad...instead, it just creates a space for more light. So I will proudly leave my broken windows, because that is what I am made of and that is me.
Mother, teacher, TOSA, GCE Level 1 & 2, Encourager of others.
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